


Fitting Broken Pieces Back Together

by Rookblonkorules



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationship, Parental Izumi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 01:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20770427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rookblonkorules/pseuds/Rookblonkorules
Summary: While Izumi was willing to open her home to them, the same was not true for her heart. The loss of her own child has left a wound she won’t risk reopening.This changes when she finds Alphonse alone on the roof. Parental IzumiAl.





	Fitting Broken Pieces Back Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aemileth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aemileth/gifts).

Izumi finds him on the roof.

Nevermind how he got up there- she’ll find that out later.

Right now, Izumi is just glad that she’s found him. Angry too. But she can be angry later.

She’ll be relieved, concerned. She’ll find out why he’s up here and why he decided to disappear without telling his brother, something so completely unlike Alphonse that she’s more worried than she’s accustomed to being.

Because Ed- Ed will sulk if he thinks he can get away with it. (He can’t, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried.) And while he pouts and sulks, he’s also very vocal when something is bothering him.

Not Alphonse. Alphonse will quietly apologize for a perceived misdeed and then withdraw into the solitude of his own mind. 

“Alphonse,” she calls. A part of her feels that it would be best to announce herself beforehand. 

Alphonse doesn’t answer her, and so she hoists herself soundlessly the rest of the way up and makes her way to the little hunched form. 

When she had first learned he was missing, she’ll admit she had been worried. 

There were plenty of unsavory types at The Devil’s Nest. And while she expected any pupil of hers to be able to take care of themselves, they were still only children.

If something had happened- if someone had even dreamed of touching one of them…

But it’s no good letting her thoughts take that turn. 

“Alphonse?” 

She takes a seat next to him, letting her legs hang over the side of the building.

“You frightened your brother by coming up here without telling anyone.”

_ And me, _ she thinks. But of course, she can’t say that part out loud.

“Did something happen?”

_ Did someone hurt you?  _ is what she really means. 

Heaven help the perpetrator if Alphonse has been hurt in any way. She feels her chest tighten with righteous fury and maybe some of that emotion bled through into her voice because the tiny form pulls his knees tighter to his chest and doesn’t look up.

She takes deep breath. In and out. Calming herself. 

So she’ll start with a new line of questioning.

“Are you alright?” she asks gently.

There’s another pause and she nearly despairs of ever getting an answer from him. 

Months of living with these boys under her roof have already taught her that Alphonse is very, very good at keeping his thoughts to himself when he wants to. 

“I miss Mom.” His voice young- very young- and it cracks in a way that that young voice never should. 

She breathes deep and raises a hand.

And Izumi… hesitates.

She’s never touched either of them before. Not outside of sparring with them. 

She hasn’t allowed herself to indulge in any sort of sign of affection with these boys, knowing what it would do to her own heart to let them in. 

Izumi tells herself it’s for them. 

They’re her pupils, not her children. She’s not their mother and in their lives to replace their mother. 

She’s their mentor. It’s her job to teach them how to survive in it. That doesn’t include being a mother. 

She doesn’t want it to (that’s a lie.).

(Maybe it isn’t.)

But now she realizes the selfishness behind her motivations. By keeping herself distant, she’s been sheltering herself, protecting herself from the risks that come with a sentiment like  _ love. _

Because Izumi is fond of the boys, yes, but that’s as far as she’s let herself go.

It’s cowardice, she realizes. Plain and simple. She’s been shielding her own heart, acting in her own self interest almost without meaning to.

She sucks in a breath, horrified by the realization- and the implication that came with it- that she was putting her own emotional wellbeing over that of the two children under her roof.

It may not be what had signed on for, but she was the closest thing these boys had to a guardian. Or a mother. 

Izumi lets her hand rest on his shoulder. 

She almost takes her hand away, the sensation is so foreign. 

_ This is what she’s wanted so, so badly. To be a mother. And yet it scares her. _

She doesn’t take her hand away.

A shudder runs through Alphonse’s body and he wipes his eyes without looking up. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

Izumi sits a little straighter and her jaw is set a little firmer. “Let’s start with why you’re up here,” she says. “After that, we can determine if the apology is still necessary. How does that sound?”

Alphonse doesn’t answer aside from the tiniest of shrugs.

It isn’t much, but it’s a start. At least he’s responding to her. 

Her hand drifts down to his back and she begins rubbing in soft, soothing circles. It startles her, actually, how natural this action feels to her. Like she’s been waiting her whole life for this.

The deep, aching emptiness in her soul stirs again and she tamps it down because  _ Alphonse  _ is sitting right beside her and  _ Alphonse  _ needs her. And somewhere, unconsciously, she had promised herself that she won’t let him down. 

“You miss your mother,” she says, gently. There’s something wrong, though. Something that Izumi can sense, but not yet perceive. Alphonse is here without his brother, leaving Ed worried sick. That alone is cause enough for concern. “Is there a reason…” She struggles with a way to frame the question, but there isn’t a way to dance around it. “Is there a reason you haven’t talked to Edward?”

“No!” Alphonse turns before she even has time to blink, eyes wide and shining with tears that have yet to fall. It’s so sudden that her hand drops away in surprise. “You can’t… Don’t tell him!”

He looks at her, panting. He looks stunned by his own outburst.

Then he drops his chin. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

It’s the apology that does it. 

She slides her fingers under his chin, firmly, but gently, tipping his face up to look her in the eyes.

“Alphonse Elric,” she says, in a voice that’s soft as down, yet as immovable as stone. “You won’t apologize to me again. Not for something like this.”

Alphonse regards her with eyes that are still bright from tears. 

She forgets her own boundaries and lets her fingers rest just beneath his chin, tilting his head up. 

“Is that understood?”

He nods, and turns his head away.

Izumi lets him, clenching her fists against her thighs in an effort to hide her own tension. 

“I won’t tell Edward,” she says and the hunched shoulders start to relax. “On condition,” she presses before he can let himself fall too deeply into hope. “I want you to talk to me.” 

She’s falling back into the proper patterns- tough love. It’s how she’s always operated. It’s… easier that way.

(Except for her baby. She knows- her baby would have been different.)

Alphonse is hurting himself by keeping his emotions inside. Even if he won’t go to his brother, which Izumi finds concerning by itself, he needs to know that walling himself off from other people is not an acceptable (or healthy) alternative. 

She sees the spine straighten, the head shoots up, but he keeps his eyes on his knees, like he’s afraid to look directly at her. 

“But Teacher…” he starts and then he falls silent. His hands fidget in his lap and Izumi allows him the time to gather his thoughts. He knows what’s expected of him and she isn’t going to push any harder. “I can’t… I don’t want to bother you.” His next words are barely a whisper.

Izumi lets out the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.

“Is that what you think?” she asks. “That you’re a bother to me by hurting?”

Alphonse doesn’t miss a beat. His lips form the word ‘yes,’ but no sound reaches her ears.

_ Oh, Alphonse. _

“This is why you won’t go to your brother either.” There’s no question in her tone. 

Alphonse tucks his knees closer under his chin. “He’s always trying so hard to take care of me. I don’t want him to be bothered by this too.”

“And if you’re brother felt the same way, would you want him to keep that to himself?”

Alphonse looks at her, aghast. “No! He… he...” He shuts his mouth with a snap, realizing what she’s getting at. 

“You don’t want your brother to hide what he feels because you understand that it hurts him. In here.” She points at his heart. 

“Yeah…”

“So why should you force yourself to endure it?”

“Because… I need to be…”

“Strong,” Izumi finishes gently. “You need to be strong for your brother.”

Alphonse swallows, nodding mutely. 

And then his arms wrap around her waist. It’s more than just a hug. He clutches at her like a lifeline. 

An instinct she can’t control swells her heart at that moment and she snatches him to her chest in a tight embrace. 

His shoulders shake beneath her protective hold and his tears dampen her shirt.

Her heart gives a wild thump in her chest and she holds him a little tighter. Something about this contact… feels right.

“You idiot,” she says affectionately, yet with a heart that’s breaking all over again, even as something within molds itself back together. She isn’t even sure if Alphonse hears her. “Needing to rely on someone else never makes you weak.”

Izumi dips her head down till her cheek brushes his hair. 

For the first time in a long time, she thinks of herself in the role of a mother. 

The pain of losing her own child is still near to her heart. It will never leave her. This she knows with absolute certainty. 

But maybe- maybe she can start allowing herself to heal.

They all can. 


End file.
